After dropping the F-Bomb on the appropriately named DJ Swearinger in yesterday’s Texans-Broncos matchup, Peyton Manning went on a foul-mouthed spree. Obviously annoyed by the penalty for the salty language, Manning loosened his lips all over the Mile High City, shocking everyone from a stadium parking valet to the nun he verbally assaulted outside a Chucky Cheese. The “Aw Shucks” kinda guy says he finds it “empowering” and plans on using the word at every available opportunity. He warned “Watch out for our next game, I am going apeshit” “It just feels soooo goooood”

It was so unexpected to hear the gentlemanly Peyton cursing like Tony Soprano that Denver has issued a curfew to it’s citizens for the next 24 hours simply to keep people safe from hearing the invectives he began spewing. “Nobody wants to hear this crap” said Mayor Michael B. Hancock. This town believes in the purity of football and Peyton Manning and I will not put that fantasy in jeopardy.”