Rosie O’Donnell landed back at The View yesterday, 8 years after quitting the show. In the  interim she has shed over 50 pounds, one wife, and most of her fan base. She hopes to turn things around this time and get back to the fun loving Rosie everyone remembers. Her new mantra…… “Less Mean, More Lean.” After the show she told producer Bill Getty that she felt good about how things went and left him with a few show notes saying “Handle it Bill.”

Co-host notes:

Rosie Perez must take diction lessons…I have no idea what she is saying

Whoopi must not refer to me as “Babe”…..makes me think of the movie.

Nicolle Wallace must drop the extra “L” in her name. It’s just excessive.

Ban Kristin Chenoweth from the show…America has heard enough

Must be one Elizabeth Hasslebeck joke in every show….it’s just fun

Permission to slap my co-hosts when appropriate without legal repercussions…sometimes it just feels good!

Encourage Whoopi to wear brighter colors…I’m just sayin’

Audience Notes:

Camera shots should focus only on the attractive women

Should be encouraged to applaud whenever I give an opinion.

Should be incited to cheer whenever I mention that I am a lesbian