Florida State quarterback Jamels Winston has been suspended from playing in  the first half of this Saturday’s big game against Clemson. His only offense was use of  an obscene phrase regarding women, in a public space. As a result of this heavy handed decision, the media demanded to know school policy for other possible infractions and the resulting punishment. Interim president Garnet Stokes and athletic director Stan Wilcox under extreme pressure released this partial list.

Using obscene phrases or hand gestures regarding women in public spaces-   half game suspension   (in private is permissible)

Public Intoxication-   First quarter game suspension and a serious talking-to

Burglary – Half time assists at concession stand

Unlicensed operation of automobile-   Game Introduction and Warm up suspension

Exam cheating – first 3 minutes of first quarter suspension

Assaulting fellow student-   half game suspension (unless very important game)

Assaulting teachers or professors-   stern warning

Swearing in front of a child under 6 years old- 5 minute first quarter suspension and compulsory Sesame Street viewing- 3 episode minimum

Drug possession (excluding steroids) – 2 minute, 3rd quarter suspension-coach decision

Steroid use – public apology

Naked Selfies- Permissible if for promotion or ESPN Nude athlete issue

In possession of Lady Gaga CD’s- 3 Game suspension

(complete list can be found on their website http://www.flstate/ruserious.org)