Microsoft Corp. announced its new operating system on Tuesday to replace the largely unpopular Windows 8. In a bold move they have decided to cease numbering the systems and give them proper names instead. So welcome to the new world of “Windows Fred”, one giant leap toward unifying the way people work on tablets, phones and traditional computers. After all we are people, not numbers!

Windows Fred will be “our greatest enterprise platform ever,” said Terry Myerson, Microsoft’s head of operating systems. “Fred is a friendly co-worker always ready to pitch in!” Unlike Windows 8, Windows Fred adapts to the devices customers are using, from Xbox to PCs and phones to tablets and tiny gadgets,” said Myerson. He’s also the designated driver at all parties!

“It’s a bold statement for Microsoft to make,” said Daniel Ives, an analyst at FBR Capital Markets. “So far there’s not as much meat on Fred’s bones as we would have wanted and he’s not that attractive, but he’s pretty darn smart!”