Coming off the high of being named NYC’s Global Welcoming Ambassador, where she will be expected to greet all troop ships and cruise liners docking in Manhattan, Taylor Swift has now been given the highest civilian award of the United States, The Presidential Medal of Freedom. In a extremely brief ceremony at the White House this morning, as Taylor was pressed for time, President Obama said, “You know, Malia brought a leaked copy of Taylor’s new album, 1989 to me, and let me tell you, I was blown away! It made me feel like a thirteen-year-old girl and that was truly magical! When the world threatens to scare the bejesus out of me, due to ISIS or Ebola or some knuckleheaded Putin scam, I know now, I can just Shake it off, Shake it off.” He then placed the medal around her neck and they performed an awkward dance together before Taylor rushed off when she spied Joe Biden’s grandson Hunter in the crowd.