Breaking all previous records on Kickstarter, JJ Abrams has managed to raise over half a billion dollars in only 2 days, after sneaking an 88 second preview on the Internet. “I know that Kickstarter is really for independent films and such, but to be honest 88 seconds is all we have managed to film with the money Disney has advanced us,” lamented the film’s director and founder of this Kickstarter campaign. The Disney Company is notoriously tight with budgets, and it seems that even a guaranteed cash cow like a Star Wars sequel gets no preferential treatment at the house of the mouse. It is reported that Disney paid something like $327 trillion just to get the rights to the Star Wars franchise, so it is very important to squeeze every penny out of it, in hopes of making back a profit by the year 2099. “Kickstarter normally does not approve of projects like this, taking advantage of it’s resources, which are really for the hard-to-fund projects, so we are trying to keep this on the down low, old school hush hush.” whispered Abrams to a small assemblage of reporters. He then asked if anybody would be kind enough to buy him a coffee and a danish.