“President Barack Obama will get no money for his Cuba policy, no ambassador will be confirmed and the embargo will never be lifted,” Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) yelled in a blistering press conference on Wednesday just before letting out a piercing shriek.

Composing himself momentarily he sniffled “This entire policy shift announced today is based on an illusion, based on a lie, The White House has conceded everything and gained little.”

“I’m committed to doing everything I can to unravel as many of these changes as possible. This Congress is not going to lift the embargo, it jjjjjjust ccccccan’t,” he stammered.

Stamping his feet he bawled, “Obama’s foreign policy is not just naive, but willfully ignorant of the way the world truly works.”

“This president is the meanest man we have had in the White House in my lifetime,” Rubio said. “I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!”

He then threw himself on the floor and curled into a tight ball. Assistants handed him his Juicebox and bankie, which seemed to calm him down a bit.