Trump Team Releases New Vulgarity Glossary!

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When Donald Trump mentioned that Hillary Clinton “got schlonged” by Barack Obama back in 2008 many people were outraged by what they perceived as a vulgar expression. A perfectly insincere Donald told everyone to calm down because they were misinterpreting, “as usual”, his true intent and the true meaning of the word. He simply meant that Hillary had been “beaten badly.”

“It’s just Donald,” said his top PR gal, Nedra Waglerbits, “You should hear what he calls me! I mean if I took offense every time he called me a useless whore, I would be angry all the time! You just get used to it,” she chuckled.

To avoid this kind of confusion in the future, Ms. Waglerbits had his public relations team work up a list of terms and expressions Donald will most likely be using throughout the course of the campaign and what he really means by them. They expect to release updates as new misinterpretations occur.

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Gimme A Quote!

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Mary’s Talk With The Animals

BIG MOOSE

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Mary's  Random 12_22_15

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Gimme A Quote!

SidneyPoitier

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Mary Talks To The Animals

PX*14525080

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Fox News Offers Steve Harvey Election Night Anchor Chair!

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Fox News head honcho, Roger Ailes is hoping to lure Steve Harvey into anchoring their Presidential Election Night coverage next year. “He’s our kind of reporter!” raved Ailes.

When hosting the Miss Universe pageant last evening.Harvey announced Miss Colombia the winner, even though the information in front of him plainly showed the actual winner was Miss Philippines.

“We like his independent kind of thinking. It’s what we do every day here at Fox News. When you have the ability to ignore the obvious and report what you want to, you are truly a Fox Anchor. We know he can bring that kind of insight and reportage to our Election Coverage. He can change the way America sees the results! While others may ridicule or even scorn Mr. Harvey, at Fox News he is a hero standing up for truth. Our truth. America’s truth!”

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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SARAH PALIN TOPS POLL! WHAT WOMAN WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO SEE IN A BURKA?”

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Narrowly edging out Fox News Personality Megan Kelly, former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin has been named as the number one woman, republican men would most like to see in a burka.

In a poll conducted by the Bernard Langenschwantz Research Consortium, GOP males were asked who they believed could carry off a burka with the most style and panache. After having the word panache explained to them, an overwhelming number of males agreed that they would love to see Sarah in a burka.

One man queried as to why she was his choice, responded, “Well, Sarah is just about the hottest, sexiest republican we got and then, to cover it up under all that fabric would be awesome. Just knowing that hotness is hidden, just beneath that heavy cloth, makes me perspire in places I never knew I could perspire!”

“I know it’s just a pipe dream,” said another, “but if we can all get behind a great candidate like…say…Donald Trump or Ted Cruz, who both have such great ideas for women in America, I know we can get them into burkas in no time flat. I refuse to give up on that dream!”

GOP candidate Carly Fiorina came in third. Calls to her campaign headquarters for her reaction were not returned.

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Gimme A “Movie” Quote!

No Country For Old men

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