Rick Perry Sees The Illegal Alien Sub Plot In Peter Pan!! Demands Investigation!

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“Glasses or not. I can see what’s plain as day in front of my own two eyes!” roared Texas Governor Rick Perry, this morning, at a hastily called press conference. He loudly voiced his displeasure at NBC for it’s live presentation of Peter Pan last evening, calling it an obvious, 3 hour promotion supporting President Obama and his immigration program. It seems that Governor Perry found the plot of the musical to be a not-so-well-hidden story about sneaking illegal aliens into the country under the guise of being lost boys. “I think it’s rather obvious that NBC is trying to win sympathy for every person trying to sneak across our borders and enjoy the good life mowing our lawns and servicing our pools. And of course the mean Captain Hook is a Republican! The only man in the show actually trying to deal with the boys! I see the President’s fingerprints all over this one!” seethed Governor Perry through squinted eyes. He announced his plan to send a formal complaint to NBC, the FCC, the SEC and QVC.  He will demand  there be  a disclaimer placed at the beginning of the DVD which will be on sale in 2 weeks. He is also looking into the possibility of shutting down the government, to express his displeasure.“And don’t get me started on the Peter Pan gender bending casting. My God! Ted Cruz is a mess! Just a mess…..just so darn confused”

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Ted Cruz Explains It All For You

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Ted’s Peter Pan Review

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Mariah Carey To Make Live Special Appearance On Peter Pan Live Broadcast Tonight!!

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Trying to recover from a lackluster performance last evening, during the lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, Mariah Carey will be making a special appearance in tonight’s live version of Peter Pan on NBC. She is scheduled once again, to attempt to hit as many of the notes as she can in her classic holiday song “All I Want for Christmas is You.” She begged NBC officials for another chance to make good, and after discussing the situation with Christopher Walken, who will be playing Captain Hook, they have worked her into the story as one of his henchmen. She has been rehearsing all day with the cast. Her character will be a holiday surprise for Hook, who is depressed that he hasn’t captured Peter Pan as yet. At what seems to be his lowest point, Mariah will throw off her pirate togs and reveal a stunningly sequined form fitting cleavage baring dress (in other words something from her everyday wear fashion line) and will belt out the song with a gaggle of dancing pirates. Christopher commented, “It’s really enchanting. I am so impressed by Maryann and her absolute professionalism and perfect pitch. I am very pleased to have her on my ship.” He then wandered off and was seen doing a soft shoe on the gangplank. Allison Williams mentioned the only problem was that Mariah keeps hitting on her and when she explains that she is female, Mariah asks why Peter Pan is being played by a girl. Otherwise, so far no mishaps and it appears it’s clear sailing ahead for tonight’s Peter Pan.

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Gimme A Quote

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Pauline Kael

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Walking With Tom

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Walking with Tom past Tom

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Madonna Poses Topless In Magazine. Shocks………Ummm. Shocks……Ummm… Sorry, We Got Nothing

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Jayne Mansfield

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Gaga Reveals That She Was Raped But Shockingly, Not By Bill Cosby!

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Attempting to take some of the heat off of former (as in about 2 weeks ago) beloved comic, Bill Cosby and to re-direct attention back to her, Lady Gaga has decided to announce that she too, was a victim of rape when she was 19. She appeared on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM radio show on Tuesday and began talking about her song Swine, from her 2013 Artpop album.

“The song is about rape, but not the Cosby kind of rape. The song is about demoralization. The song is about rage and fury and passion. I had a lot of pain I wanted to release. And I thought hey! Why not make some money off that rage and fury and passion?”

Almost telepathically, Stern naturally asked if she had been raped by a music company executive. “I feel like you were raped by someone. I think that’s what you’re saying and of course, if it wasn’t formerly beloved comedian and American treasure, Bill Cosby, it must have been a music executive.”

“Oh my god you are good Howard!” gasped Gaga, 28, who is dating Chicago Fire actor Taylor Kinney,(which of course is an important thing to know when dealing with trauma) “I went through some horrific things. I’m able to laugh now because I’ve gone through a lot of, mental, physical and emotional therapy to heal over the years. Before that Gaga never laughed. Sad Gaga. Plus I wrote this 3 minute song, which pretty much made the, almost ten years of anger, dissipate completely,”she said with a huge guffaw!

She didn’t name the person but she says he was 20 years her senior. “I was about 19 when it happened,” she stated pensively. “I went to Catholic school and then all this crazy stuff happened and I was going, Oh is this just the way adults are? Cause yeah, at 19 I thought, that’s what adults do, they rape each other! Some may call that stupid or naïve. I call it a career path” she said with a demure smile. “Who knows? I may say his name someday. I may even call the police, have a press conference. Gaga doesn’t know right now.  These things depend on timing. You know, new song, new tour, new album. Mama needs a little promotion time. Music is not about revenge or criminal activity. It’s all about timing.”

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