Due to her overwhelming, 2 weeks of experience in Washington D.C., Iowa junior senator Joni Ernst was chosen to give the Republican Response to the President’s State Of The Union Address this evening. Although she has been told she should not bring any weapons to her televised speech Joni is expected to come out with guns a blazing, figuratively we hope, to let everybody know that whatever he says is wrong.
Pundits have been attempting to explain why somebody with such a slim resume should be the one person representing the Republican party views, and the only thing they can come up with is “she’s colorful.” and enjoys saying the word “castrate” around men.
“The best thing about Joni,” confided one of her handlers, “is she knows absolutely nothing about anything and yet, it doesn’t embarrass her in the least, nor stop her from talking about what she believes. It is great when you are never actually locked into facts, knowledge or experience. It really is a freeing experience for a politician, that even if someone fact checks you, it just doesn’t matter!. I have no idea what she will say this evening but you can be certain that none of it can be proven factually, and that is just so darn refreshing!”