Kraft Announces Swiss Cheese Breakthrough. Less Holes! More Cheese!!

Best Swiss Cheese

Ham and Cheese sandwiches just got a bit tastier thanks to the Fromage Labs at Kraft Foods. That was the big news out of the Kraft Foods Worldwide meeting in Las Vegas! Joyous food news celebrated today by CEO Richard Ernz, and soon, by foodies everywhere!.

Ever on the lookout for ways to improve their products, this particular cheese breakthrough comes after years of diligent research by some of the greatest scientists, or cheese whizzes, as they are jocularly referred to in the “cheese biz”.

Alexander Gnandersung, a third generation cheese master was introduced, to explain their mission, to a rapt and already salivating audience. “We found that due to the excessive amount of holes in the traditional swiss cheese, the ratio of ham to cheese was never consistent from bite to bite in a sandwich. Sometimes the ham just overwhelmed the cheese, and if too much dijon flowed into the numerous holes, you not only lost the cheese altogether, but the ham flavor disappeared as well. We have made solid slabs of swiss cheese before but we realized that was  a miserable failure. The aerodynamics caused by the holes, has an effect on the tang of the cheese and ham combo, and lifts it to the nostrils for the olfactory sensation, which in addition to the palate is a chief source of taste satisfaction in the traditional ham and cheese sandwich. So you must have just the right amount of holes, and of course they have to be of varying sizes and shapes! We believe that by adding just a small amount of a secret fermentation sauce to our cheese we have achieved the perfect number of holes and I really think everybody will notice that extra cheese in every bite. Throw in a side of slaw and a pickle and you’ve got ham and cheese ambrosia!”

As you can see they take their cheese seriously at Kraft.Now if we could only get them to explain what exactly is in Velveeta!

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