Thanks To Fox News, Robert Durst Jumps To First. New GOP Darling Tops Polls!


Fox News has now proclaimed that accused murderer Robert Furst is the man to beat when it comes to the race for the Republican nomination for President in 2016. “This is our guy!”  Roger Ailes said breathlessly at the daily “news anchor” meeting in the bowels of Fox News Studios. “He’s got the killer instinct we’ve been looking for in a candidate. None of that whiny ‘Oh it doesn’t feel right’ of that Romney wimp! I want everybody to get behind this guy pronto. O’Reilly! As soon as we post bail he’ll be on your show. Megan! You got him second. We want to work a bit on his back story before we roll him out in morning on Fox and Friends. Steve and the other guy, you’ll sit between him and Elisabeth. And Hasslebeck! Wear something really fetching that day! Oh and get that look off your pansy-ass faces. We will have security check him for weapons. Sheesh! Okay that’s it for now. I wanna see you all get out there and sell this murderer……I mean Republican to America!”

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