FTM Scoop! Bowing To Pressure, Cake Companies Rename “Devil’s Food!” Sales Soar To The Heavens!

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Noticing a recent sales slump, the marketing execs from the largest selling cake mix companies have discovered increasing resistance from the religious right to purchase cake mixes called Devil’s Food.

“There is a war against cake going on in this country and we do not intend to lose it to the devil!” declared one chocolate cake lover. “I will not let the devil have my sweet soulful confection. He does not deserve the honor of having something so scrumptious named after him!”

“You are what you eat,” said Darlene Nussbatcher, another person surveyed by marketing departments, trying to discern the problem and seek a solution. “I would never eat this devil in a box, no matter how delicious it is! Although she could not quite pinpoint book and verse where it appears, Darlene swears it says right there in the bible, “He who dost eateth the devil’s food shall not entereth through the pearly gates and enjoy everlasting life on a cloud.” “So you see, she exclaimed, “It’s pretty important!” God knows I love my chocolate but I am not going to hell over it!”

In a response the big three companies have rebranded their mixes for the new generation of believers with a sweet tooth. And on a political note, Kansas governor Sam Brownback, has already introduced legislation making Duncan Hines “Heaven’s Gift” the official state cake. Other Southern and Midwest states are expected to follow suit with such choices as Pillsbury’s “Blessed Chocolate” and Betty Crocker’s “Divine Love.”

One spokesman said, “We had no idea that people had started to take the name literally and believed that this was either, food that the devil would eat or that it actually was a concoction made with particles of devil in it! We thought this was kind of insane but ya know, “to each his own.’ We’re just trying to sell some cake here and we’ll do whatever it takes.”

No word yet on how to handle the “Deviled eggs” situation.

This entry was posted in GTK, Politics, Scoop and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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