Fed up with having it’s meaning and reputation diluted, strangled, chopped, diced, pureed and basically destroyed, the word, “News” is finally taking some action and heading to court, seeking an order that will guarantee that the words fox and news are never found side by side in any format!
“I have had it!” cried the little guy. “I used to mean something. I once had a separate identity from my useless cousin ‘Gossip’ and my pushy cousin ‘Opinion’. They had their own place and I had mine! We were on different pages in the paper and sometimes in entirely different sections! On television they were rarely allowed to appear with me, and if they did, they had a big disclaimer explaining just who the hell they were! But now it’s just one big Shepherd’s Pie of Glop! Oh my, my, my, how I have suffered the indignities. Nobody takes me seriously. Anybody can write me, whether they know how to spell or even construct a sentence,” he moaned rather morosely.
“And don’t even get me started on agendas! I’m not supposed to have an agenda! Yes, I know I haven’t always been perfect, but there were always people who tried to hold up my reputation. Now I’m just another meaningless four-letter word that people laugh or even sneer at. I used to be something people could turn to for “information” and perhaps a “fact”, another quaint old word that has been screwed with. Well, No More! Today I start reclaiming my heritage starting with the worst offender! That bastard Fox! Then we’ll see what we can do about TMZ!”
“I’m News! And I still have something to say!”