After exhaustive studies, experts at government food labs have determined that ordinary fruits and vegetables suffer an immediate sense of despondency when exposed to current events via news outlets. “What’s even more striking is how suddenly they lose vitamin potency and positive benefits for human consumption, lamented one researcher, known as vegetableists in the science world. “We knew they were sensitive to their surroundings when growing, but we had no idea that their environment, and everything they are exposed to continues to have an effect on them right up until the moment they are consumed.”
Researchers learned that many fruits and green vegetables particularly, within view of TV broadcasts of both national and local news, sent most into a tailspin causing extreme sadness and a sense of hopelessness. Politics, they pointed out specifically had a noticeable debilitating effect on their morale and sense of worth. Although undetectable to the human eye, disputes appear to break out between fruits and vegetables causing a loss of taste and attractive appearance. Similar results occurred to an even greater degree when exposed to online news and trending stories.
Why this development has happened, stymies scientists, who conclude that much more study is necessary to determine just why, and how much news causes fruits and vegetables to want to give up on life. In the meantime it is strongly suggested, to enjoy them away from any television, radio, or Internet reports and just to be safe, keep them clear of all print media as well.
Planned studies also include effects of exposure to Reality TV and Jeopardy