When Donald Trump mentioned that Hillary Clinton “got schlonged” by Barack Obama back in 2008 many people were outraged by what they perceived as a vulgar expression. A perfectly insincere Donald told everyone to calm down because they were misinterpreting, “as usual”, his true intent and the true meaning of the word. He simply meant that Hillary had been “beaten badly.”

“It’s just Donald,” said his top PR gal, Nedra Waglerbits, “You should hear what he calls me! I mean if I took offense every time he called me a useless whore, I would be angry all the time! You just get used to it,” she chuckled.

To avoid this kind of confusion in the future, Ms. Waglerbits had his public relations team work up a list of terms and expressions Donald will most likely be using throughout the course of the campaign and what he really means by them. They expect to release updates as new misinterpretations occur.