In a shocking turn of events yesterday, GOP candidate Ted Cruz took responsibility for a video his campaign released, purporting to show that Marco Rubio did not love the Bible, a current prerequisite in seeking the Republican nomination for the Presidency.
“I’ll kill that lying’ son of a bitch!” screamed Rubio when first informed of the nefarious plot to question his love of the good book. “I read it every day,” he exploded with a fervor thus far unseen on the campaign trail. “I have a copy in every room of my house, some rooms even have two in case a friend wants to read along, and has forgotten to bring their copy to my house, although I always encourage they keep one handy. I even have a small pamphlet of tracts that I keep in my jacket pocket for when I need a quick fix on the campaign trail. How dare he try to scare God fearing voters into believing I don’t live every day by the Bible and will always place it above the law. Even my pajamas are embroidered with Bible verses for god sakes” Shaking his head, Rubio sadly lamented, “It hurts my heart and soul to know how low Ted Crude will go to be elected.
When informed that Cruz had asked for the resignation of his communications director, Rick Tyler due to the duplicitous tactic, Rubio seemed not to hear. “I will never ever forgive that sleazy skunk.In college they had a nickname for me Marc-O Bible-O. How could he even think he could get away with this? Everybody knows I freakin‘ love the Bible! This is just insane!”