Mary’s APB! Be On Lookout For Marla Maples, Sarah Palin And Ivana Trump!


Strangely missing from the public eye since Donald Trump won the Republican Nomination for President, many concerned family and friends have pleaded with law enforcement to confirm that Donald Trump’s two ex-wives and Sarah Palin are okay and not being held somewhere against their will.

Normally Palin can be spotted any time there’s an open microphone and a camera , but since endorsing Trump earlier this year and making a few word salad appearances, she has dropped off the face of the earth. Bristol Palin begged reporters to get the word out, “We are trying to be brave and think positive , but this disappearance is longer than one of her normal benders and we are afraid she just may be trapped in a basement or an old convertible couch somewhere and unable to get out. I miss her so much, I could get pregnant at any moment! It’s scary!”

Also missing in action are Trump’s practice wives Ivana and Marla. Ivana last seen in a Gstaad specialty singles Bar called “Apres ski-Les Cougar” is said to be relaxing at a Spa somewhere in Switzerland, but no exact location can be confirmed. And although daughter Tiffany made a brief campaign appearance with her father, wife number 2, Marla Maples (last seen in an Off-Off Broadway production of  “I am a Paper Bag-The Musical”)has been harder to find than Trump’s humility.

Expressing extreme concern also is Hillary Clinton’s campaign team, who are afraid something nefarious has happened to all three women. One anonymous spokesman said “We are extremely afraid for the safety of these three ladies, knowing how Trump deals with women once they have outgrown their usefulness or gotten old, fat or wrinkly. We sincerely want to make sure they are alright and find out how much he’s paid them to disappear!”

A special hotline has been set up for anyone who may have seen them. 1-800-Hillary. All calls will be kept confidential.

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