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Mike Huckabee refused to throw caution to the wind and jump into the 2016 GOP presidential race until he was sure he had the proper support. “Ya know,” he said casually, as he contentedly sucked on a watermelon drop, “people think it’s all about your ideas, fancy rhetoric and previous experience, and although that is somethin’, there is so much more to it than that. People want to know that you have the backing of folks they already admire and trust, people they believe in, and invite into their homes via television week after week,” he rhapsodized, obviously thinking about his own favorite TV shows.

“When it comes to All American Icons they don’t come much bigger than Walker Texas Ranger himself, Chuck Norris. While he was showing me around the Total Fitness machine I was considering purchasing, I asked him what he thought my chances were and he fairly shouted at me “Huck! goddammit! Go Get em! I love you, you sumanabitch!” I mentioned I was not a fan of the foul mouth, but I got the message, so here I am”

Huckabee joins the already crowded field of GOP contenders, including, as of 6:00 PM, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Al Corley, Carly Simon, Rand Paul, RuPaul, Mrs. Paul, Fatty Arbuckle, Ben Carson, Ben Affleck, Ben and Jerry, Derek Hough, Derek Jeter, Derek Jacobi, Anson Williams, The late Andy Williams, Susan Anton, Jan from The Brady Bunch, Norman Greenbaum, Red Buttons and Punky Brewster.

Mary promises to update as more candidates climb aboard!