Michelle Duggar’s 87 Children Buy Her All New Female Internal Organs For Mother’s Day! TLC Renews TV Series For 19 More Years!

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Michelle Duggar, star and “chief baby baker” of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting, got a heck of a surprise for Mother’s Day! A gift certificate for a transplant including a brand new uterus, set of ovaries, fallopian tubes and vagina, all donated by a 19 year old NYC transgender dude who said “I have no use for any of them girl parts, she seems to know what to do with all that plumbing and I say she’s welcome to it!” Michelle’s children all pitched in their money from various paper routes, rummage sales, bake sales, and couch cushion change to pay for the operation.

“I just don’t know what to say, sniffled Michelle, between sobs. “This is just about the sweetest thing ever! Praise Jesus! My kids just knew I felt useless since my miscarriage in 2011 and although the girls tried to pick up the slack, it just isn’t the same as popping them lil ones out, myself. God knows I am good at it! What else do I know how to do? But with these new parts I can get back in the saddle, so to speak, Praise Jesus! I believe Jim Bob is even more excited than me. I can see that little gerkin’s a perkin’, Praise Jesus!

Michelle is correct in claiming that Jim Bob is ecstatic about getting back to the business of making babies for the Lord. “It’s a responsibility I take very seriously,” he said. “ I do not mean to be immodest but I know the Lord has chosen us for this role on earth or why else would he have made us both so darn good at it? Praise Jesus!“

Jim Bob is looking forward to returning to work, with all the new equipment Michelle will be receiving, but he admits he is especially looking forward to the new 19-year-old vagina. He mentioned with a coy smile, “Well I have to admit, the old one chafed a bit.”

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Random Opportunity

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Penny Marshall

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Mary Has A Random Patriotic Thought!

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Nyuk Nyuk. Who’s There? A Three Stooges Movie Sequel Announced!

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The Hollywood Reporter coincidentally “reports” that the somewhat long awaited sequel to the 2012 sorta hit “The Three Stooges” is on the way to the big screen!

This latest film is being envisioned as an action-comedy rather than a straight comedy. Executives are currently deciding whether or not a script will be necessary, or should Sean Hayes (Larry), Chris Diamantopoulos (Moe) and Will Sasso (Curly) simply be let loose on the Universal back lot with a hefty supply of cream pies, 2 x 4’s, and ball peen hammers and see what wackiness ensues.

The producers are looking to add a major action star to the cast, but their dream casting coup would be Ted Cruz who they feel was born to play Shemp.

Updates to follow.

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Albert Einstein

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Random heartache

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The Word “News” Seeks Restraining Order Against The Word “Fox.” It Must Stay At Least 50 Iambic Feet Away!

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Fed up with having it’s meaning and reputation diluted, strangled, chopped, diced, pureed and basically destroyed, the word, “News” is finally taking some action and heading to court, seeking an order that will guarantee that the words fox and news are never found side by side in any format!

“I have had it!” cried the little guy. “I used to mean something. I once had a separate identity from my useless cousin ‘Gossip’ and my pushy cousin ‘Opinion’. They had their own place and I had mine! We were on different pages in the paper and sometimes in entirely different sections! On television they were rarely allowed to appear with me, and if they did, they had a big disclaimer explaining just who the hell they were!  But now it’s just one big Shepherd’s Pie of Glop! Oh my, my, my, how I have suffered the indignities. Nobody takes me seriously. Anybody can write me, whether they know how to spell or even construct a sentence,” he moaned rather morosely.

“And don’t even get me started on agendas! I’m not supposed to have an agenda! Yes, I know I haven’t always been perfect, but there were always people who tried to hold up my reputation. Now I’m just another meaningless four-letter word that people laugh or even sneer at. I used to be something people could turn to for “information” and perhaps a “fact”, another quaint old word that has been screwed with. Well, No More! Today I start reclaiming my heritage starting with the worst offender! That bastard Fox! Then we’ll see what we can do about TMZ!”

“I’m News! And I still have something to say!”

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