FTM Scoop! GOP Congressman Introduces Legislation That Might Actually Move The Country Forward! Fellow Party Members Go Ballistic!

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A Midwest Republican congressman, who has, at least temporarily, chosen to remain anonymous, has proposed legislation, that many have claimed would move the country forward instead of backward. Many reports say it actually contains wording that would have to do with improving the lives of an enormous amount of people throughout the 50 states, if this kind of legislation catches on. The proposal left a judicial body filled with jaws agape! Many of his fellow republicans were being treated for sudden ailments, ranging from apoplexy to irregular heartbeats. Some simply found themselves like fish out of water, gasping for air!

Most horrified GOP legislators are pretty much dumbfounded because the proposed law does not target women, gays, or any specific group, has absolutely nothing to do with religious beliefs and does not put more money into the bank accounts of the already rich, nor does it increase military budgets or deplete and destroy the environment. “I really feel broadsided by this,” claimed one representative. “I mean really! WTF!”

Wearing a black mask, “The Lone Legislator,” as he is being called, spoke with the press. “I know this could be a very scary thing,” he said with just a slight quaver in his voice, “but it just seems like something whose time has come.”

FTM will follow up as soon as more details become available.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

mary's random 4_24_15

Timing can be random

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Introducing Sing Along With Mary’s Musical Earworm!

MusicalEarWorm 4_23_15

Worked hard all my lifetime

No help from my friends

So Lord won’t you buy me

a Mercedes Benz

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Gimme A Quote

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Maggie Smith

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FTM Scoop! Bowing To Pressure, Cake Companies Rename “Devil’s Food!” Sales Soar To The Heavens!

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Noticing a recent sales slump, the marketing execs from the largest selling cake mix companies have discovered increasing resistance from the religious right to purchase cake mixes called Devil’s Food.

“There is a war against cake going on in this country and we do not intend to lose it to the devil!” declared one chocolate cake lover. “I will not let the devil have my sweet soulful confection. He does not deserve the honor of having something so scrumptious named after him!”

“You are what you eat,” said Darlene Nussbatcher, another person surveyed by marketing departments, trying to discern the problem and seek a solution. “I would never eat this devil in a box, no matter how delicious it is! Although she could not quite pinpoint book and verse where it appears, Darlene swears it says right there in the bible, “He who dost eateth the devil’s food shall not entereth through the pearly gates and enjoy everlasting life on a cloud.” “So you see, she exclaimed, “It’s pretty important!” God knows I love my chocolate but I am not going to hell over it!”

In a response the big three companies have rebranded their mixes for the new generation of believers with a sweet tooth. And on a political note, Kansas governor Sam Brownback, has already introduced legislation making Duncan Hines “Heaven’s Gift” the official state cake. Other Southern and Midwest states are expected to follow suit with such choices as Pillsbury’s “Blessed Chocolate” and Betty Crocker’s “Divine Love.”

One spokesman said, “We had no idea that people had started to take the name literally and believed that this was either, food that the devil would eat or that it actually was a concoction made with particles of devil in it! We thought this was kind of insane but ya know, “to each his own.’ We’re just trying to sell some cake here and we’ll do whatever it takes.”

No word yet on how to handle the “Deviled eggs” situation.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

mary's random 4_23_15

Random Checkers

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Gimme A Quote

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Randy Newman

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Ted Cruz Explains It All For You! Hubble Telescope 25th Anniversary Edition.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Random Paranoia

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Gimme A Quote

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Laura Dern

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