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Nobody need worry about soon to be ex-congressman Aaron Schock of Illinois, when he leaves office March 31, after facing much scrutiny for misuse of Federal funds. It appears that the GOP darling has already lined up his next gig at Downtown Arby’s, a premier car dealership in Peoria. Schock met with owner, Arby Noshwallen yesterday, and after just an hour’s tryout as sales assistant he was hired on the spot.

“I only wish he could start sooner said the car king. The energy, the charisma, the creative ideas and OMG those abs of his are just crazy insane, especially for a straight man!” Mr. Noshwallen went on to praise Schock and credit him with a tremendous increase in the flow of customers on the lot in just one day. “And these weren’t just lookie loos! With his added incentive of double mileage credit and Katy Perry concert tickets, these babies were flyin’ out of here. I expect with that kind of sales increase I’ll be able to put his “personal assistant” Maurice on the payroll as well.”

Mr Schock is well known for his attention seeking personality and fabulous Instagram photos, which Mr. Noshwallen expects he will continue to post. “I am just tickled with Aaron. I just gotta keep an eye on his expense account!”