Brian Williams Admits He Didn’t Star In The Lion King On Broadway. He Misremembered. He Was Only In The Audience!

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The Brian King

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Frustratingly random

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Gimme A Quote

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Mariska Hargitay

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Ted Cruz Introduces His Team of Science Advisors. A Storybook Panel Of Experts!

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“I trust these people with the future of this planet, more than those creaky old scientists locked away in some hypo hygienic laboratory,” announced Ted Cruz as he introduced his “blue ribbon” panel of scientists to the press today, inexplicably held in a storybook house, just inside the main gate of Disney World, in Orlando Florida. “I know many will say these are just “characters” but I am telling you that I have learned more from their stories than I ever have from some 300 page research paper, or some boring lecture with crazy symbols scrawled on a blackboard. The information I get from these experts has been passed down from generation to generation and it’s all still true today.

It’s a wealth of “boots on the ground” scientific knowledge and of course there’s color pictures!” he exclaimed barely able to contain his excitement. “. When I am president I will not scare the bejesus out of everybody with dire warnings of poisoned air and rising sea levels or GMO baloney. Science should be reassuring not scary. I am a comforter not a frightener.

After Ted introduced each character….er…panel expert, individually to the press, Mother Goose’s ducklings passed out warm cookies and milk and a bankie to each reporter, as she regaled them with her enchanting stories.

Ted was last seen beaming with pride in a corner, just before nodding off into a well deserved nap.

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Tom Hanks Reunites With Castaway Co-Star, Wilson! Warns Volleyball To Stay Away From Tom Brady!!

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A Hollywood reunion, of a major on-screen couple(of sorts) took place at last night’s Rangers game in NYC. Tom Hanks and Wilson the Volleyball! The two co-stars hadn’t seen each other since that sad ending in the ocean, when Tom was Castaway and Wilson floated away. “I never knew what happened to Wilson after the scene when he was adrift in the ocean, and I just could not save him,” said Tom wistfully. “I just felt so darn helpless. I know it was only a movie but it was real to me. I think I spent so much time with Wilson, that he became a true friend. I used to take him home with me and play games, anything but volleyball. As an actor, I never wanted him to feel pigeonholed!” he exclaimed, as Wilson quietly nodded in agreement and appeared to smile in recollection.

“Anyway, after that scene, the prop guy dried him off and took him away. We completed the movie without him. I think my desolation really did increase at that point, because I felt such a loss. That feeling pushed my performance into Oscar nomination territory. I will always owe Wilson for that inspiration.” Tom’s eyes glazed over as he seemed to morph into that sunburned, skeletal, survivor on a raft in the Pacific, right in front of us. “No one would ever tell me where Wilson went,” he sighed dramatically.  “I actually, used to cry whenever I passed a Foot Locker Store because of the continued inner anguish. People would tell me ‘Tom get over it! It’s a ball,’ People, alas can be very cruel.”

But there was no deflating the spirits of these two old friends when Wilson bounced into Tom’s hands! Catching up was a joy for these guys, who seemed, once again, inseparable during the game. It turns out that Wilson was taken home by that prop man after his last scene, and has lived a fun filled life with a family of seven in Tarzana. He admitted he had harbored a grudge for years against Tom for not swimming faster and saving him, but he finally accepted the fact that Tom, the consummate actor had to stick to the script.

Asked what he was doing at the game Wilson quietly mentioned to Tom that he had been playing the field for years, but now he was in a serious relationship with tonight’s game puck, but they were keeping it quiet as many sports fans might not approve of a mixed relationship.

After the game the happy couple were carried out by Tom and his lovely wife Rita for what we can only assume was an evening of fun and games!

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Mary’ Random Thought Of The Day

mary's random 2_6_15

Ooh thoughtfully random

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Gimme A Quote

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Bob Newhart

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Amy Pascal Out As Sony Top Gun! Goes Indie. Opens Downtown LA Office.

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Taking pitches in her new office in downtown Los Angeles, beleaguered, former head of Sony Pictures, Amy Pascal says she is totally open to original ideas. “I realized I was getting stagnant sitting in that high and mighty office at Sony. Just a second…”

“Attention passengers, the bus for Reseda is leaving in 1 minute”

“I got soft and lost touch with what the real people want to see. OMG The Interview? Whatta piece of crapola! But ya know? It was all a blessing, getting hacked and pissing off the schwartzas. People in this town can be so touchy! Here I can meet and talk with the little people, and find out what they want to see when they go to the movies. Hold on…”

“Bus for Pasadena and Altadena boarding now.”

Sitting just to the left of the main entrance, to the waiting room at the bus depot, Amy now has a peephole into America, down on the street level. “It’s so refreshing and I feel reinvigorated just watching everybody hustle and bustle to catch the next bus, getting on board to a new adventure, a new dream, if you will. Gimme a sec…”

“Attention riders to Santa Barbara and points north get your tuchases to gate 5!”

“There is plenty of seating right here for my pitch meetings, and I really am centrally located, so it’s easy for everybody. Restrooms to the right, and there is the cafe right next door and the cherry danish is to die for!” Hold on I gotta another announcement…

“Will Sharleen Essenholler please report to the managers office. Sharleen Essenholler!”

Amy just smiled, “It’s a job. Hey Scott!!! Ovah here!!!”

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Subtlety Illustrated Magazine. Look! It’s the “Ahem” Swim Suit Issue! It’s Larry Flint Approved!!!

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

mary's random 2_5_15

Infinitely random

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