filethatmary

Us magazine editors are in a major quandary, attempting to understand why Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s 8 year old biological child, looks so much like them at that age. In a current issue, they describe in great depth, with accompanying pictures, the similar high cheekbone structures, dreamy blue eyes, slightly upturned mischievous nose, even the same damp, pouty lips. “It freaks me out to see her,” said editor Marla Kesselwatch, trying to stay composed. “She looks like a young version of Angelina and Brad, as if someone combined parts of each of them into a new human being. Kinda like that movie doll Chucky, yet pretty, but almost as frightening. At first glance, I think how much she looks like Brad and then I realize OMG, she looks like Angie. I’m telling you it makes my head spin! I believe our readers will be just as astounded.” In a quest for clarity they reached out to Us Magazine’s, ad hoc science editor, Ted Cruz, but he was perplexed as well. Although editors were pressed with a deadline for this article, Marla believes this phenomenon needs to be examined more thoroughly and plans on devoting a full issue to this topic. “I’m sure our readers have a thirst for a better understanding of this, and I gotta tell ya, I’m damn curious myself.”