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F.Scott Fitzgerald

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Angelina Jolie Releases New Documentary Film “A Pox On Me” Just In Time For Academy Award Consideration!

Chicken Pox

A relatively new strain of the age-old childhood trauma, Chicken Pox, has been quietly spreading around the world. It’s been dubbed “Glamapox,” in deference to its first apparent victim, international superstar, Angelina Jolie. Although it is nowhere near as deadly as Ebola, humanitarian and child army leader, Angelina has taking up the cause and is starring in a documentary film about it. “A Pox on Me” follows Angelina as she copes with the possibly devastating pustules on her face, knowing that the slightest scratch could scar her and disappoint millions of fans around the world. Early reviews are calling it “riveting, edge of seat, suspense” and “a super-reality knockout!” Hopefully voters will remember her performance when they fill in their Oscar ballots. She has even had to skip promotional events for her latest feature film, Unbroken. “It is an illness that can appear to be glamorous when I have it, but I assure you it is not.” Angie says by way of introduction. “If someone like me can be infected with this potentially career ruining affliction, then ordinary, average looking people, are clearly in danger as well. We must spread the word, not the disease! Believe me I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy…….well maybe Scott Rudin” she whispered with a knowing smile. In related West Coast news, Jennifer Aniston reportedly may have measles. We’ll know more at her press conference later today.

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Hallucinogenic Mushrooms Found Growing Wild On The Grounds Of Buckingham Palace. “Curiouser And Curiouser,” says The Queen!

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Filmmakers stumbled across the red and white speckled fly agaric fungus, as they shot footage in the 16-hectare private estate, for a documentary entitled The Queen’s Garden, to be screened by broadcaster ITV on Christmas Day. Fly agaric is well known to contain psychoactive alkaloids, and has a long history of use in Asia and parts of northern Europe for religious and recreational purposes.

“That was a surprise shows it just species are very varied, whoa…” presenter Alan Titchmarsh told The Telegraph reporter he thought was a talking tree.

“Fly agaric are a species common and ‘Wait what’s that in your hand?” “Why are you pointing that at my mouth? Leave me alone!!!!” Slarmin the Festijugal. The Queen is in the trees. Warn her! Danger everywhere. Charles!!  Camilla!!!!!!!”

Officials do not know exactly how or when, this particular species came to thrive on the grounds, but they report there is great interest in speaking to Grace Slick, who the Queen had for Tea in late 1968. “Go ask Alice. Indeed!” commanded Her Majesty.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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A.A. Milne

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Sony Hackers Now Leak The Secret File Of CIA Euphemisms! Aggrandized Security!

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Hot on the heels of the major hacking of the Sony emails, the group who calls itself Guardians of the Peace, is now going after the clandestine codes of the CIA. They leaked a secret document called “This is That,” a compendium of terms used to make their day to day operations seem a little more environmentally friendly. The first page of the document is as follows:

ATTN: ALL OPERATIVES

RE: THIS IS THAT

The following terms will be used during all company operations. Please memorize and place in your personal lockbox. Under no circumstances should you keep it on your computer or iPhone, nor should you post on Facebook.

  This Is That

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Ted Cruz Explains It All For You

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Dick Cheney Surfaces To Express His Feelings About Torture

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“Oh Boo Hoo Hoo,” said Cheney

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Meryl Streep

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