The Delicious Holiday Treat Everyone Can Enjoy! Order Now!

BEST Party Cookies

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Avril Lavigne Suffering From Mystery Ailment. Asks For Prayers And iTunes Downloads

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Avril Lavigne appears to be suffering from an ailment, so far only diagnosed as lack of publicity and music sales. She has asked fans for prayers and as many music downloads of her latest release as possible. Whatever her illness turns out to be, she believes attention and music downloads will put her on the road to recovery.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Bryan Cranston

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Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Tiny Underwear Wins Big Ratings On CBS! Weekly Series To Start In January!

Best Undies

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Hollywood Hacked! Files Show Sony Considering Pee Wee, Spiderman Crossover Film. Yay!

Best SpiderPeeweeThe bright spot in this scandal is learning that Sony is considering a Pee Wee Herman meets Spiderman movie. How fun is that? But on a more serious note, hackers with a vendetta against Sony pictures, have recently been hacking into Sony’s computer system and have been waging a serious war that, in their own words, is “intended to destroy Sony.” In addition to stealing at least 5 new films and putting them on the Internet for illegal downloading, the hackers have released emails that may prove to be  embarrassing to many people in Hollywood. The emails surprisingly, show just how mean and superficial the business can be, as execs discuss casting, production schedules, directors and penis sizes. There appears to be a multitude of egos of varying sizes as well, and not everybody gets along or respects each other. Constant negotiations and pleading and wheeling and dealing are part of the everyday machinery of this glamorous industry. Money and favors are exchanged on almost a daily basis and some people are popular one day and the next, not so much. People even wish bad luck for people, and in some cases, would like to see them fail miserably and if possible, literally destroyed. These emails are really ripping back the facade of what most people thought was a loving, friendly, supportive, family kind of business, based on the smiling jovial crowd everyone sees at The Academy Awards every year. “Just shocking!” said Roberta Slushwagon, a tourist from Des Moines who was interviewed, while taking some pictures on the Walk of Fame.”I’ll never look at Hollywood in quite the same way again,” she sighed, slowly shaking her head.

That may be how a lot of Americans view this debacle, so we can expect a lot of damage control at the next Oscars, when Ellen Degeneres will gently poke fun at The Eigers, the Weinsteins and The Rudins, and most likely, will again be tweeting award winning selfies with her 2015 besties.

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Hallmark Apologizes And Replaces Inappropriate Wrapping Paper With New, More Cheerful Design

Christmas Wrapping

First Hallmark, the international family greeting card and gift wrapping company, came under fire, when many people saw a swastika in one of it’s Hannukah gift wrap designs and demanded this paper be recalled and destroyed. Hallmark executives reached out to those who saw the offensive symbol in the gift wrap. “We  apologize to anyone who found it bothersome. We didn’t notice it at all,” said Dieter Hendricks, an executive at the company, “but I guess if you are looking to find it you will see it. It is like a Rorschach Test, you see what you want to see. So in the spirit of the season I hope we can put this behind us and move on to a real holiday, Christmas, and enjoy it with our beautiful gifts and wrapping paper, many imported from Argentina. Have a Merry Christmas. That’s an order!!”

Hanukkah-Swastika Wrapping

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Jacqueline Bisset

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Bey And Jay And Will And Kate. A Royal Day On The Town!

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Oh My God, that looks amazing on you!” squealed Beyonce to Kate in the dressing room at Marshall’s. “Damn you probably never even need photoshop or a wind machine to look good.” The two went clothes shopping with their husbands as part of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s spend a day with the royals program, which had started at 9AM. When Kate informed her rather despondently “I don’t actually have any money in my purse, just some pounds with my grandmother-in-laws face on them, “ Bey gave her a playful slap on the behind. “Oh girl, I got this. Hell I’m so rich, my face should be on the money!” The two met up with Will and Jay-Z coming out of Foot Locker, where they had outfitted William for the evening’s basketball game in Brooklyn. After a quick trip to Madame Tussaud’s where Bey insisted they all pose next to their likenesses, the quartet headed to Ray’s Pizza for a slice. A brief photo op with the Naked Cowboy in Times Square was followed by a special 10 minute abridged performance of The Lion King. “Awesome” exclaimed Will, “Sir Elton really outdid himself!” They raced each other into the subway after Jay-Z challenged them to a turnstile jumping contest. Avoiding arrest somehow, they all leapt onto the #1 train, just before the doors closed and were whisked to South Ferry where they took the boat ride to Staten Island, but chose not to disembark. Kate suddenly realized they had missed tea with Hilary Clinton. They all stared at each other for a moment in horror and then simultaneously burst out in laughter. “On to Brooklyn”, shouted Jay! Arriving at the Barclay Center the entourage was escorted to their seats by Lebron James where they all plopped down. Bey sang quietly to Kate giving her a sneak preview of the songs from her latest album and Jay explained basketball rules to Will. They all agreed to hook up again tomorrow.

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