President Obama Gives John Boehner An Early Christmas Gift. A Direct Line To His Office!

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Knowing he will have to work even more intensely with the Republicans next year, the President has reached out to Speaker of the House John Boehner with a thoughtful gift that he believes shows his determination to connect with him in the New Year. With the special edition ‘Seinfeld’ phone, he will be able to reach the president at any hour of the day or night. “The man obviously has “big ideas” about moving this country in a direction and I want to move it in a direction as well” said the president. “I’m all ears and he’s all mouth,” he chuckled, “and that seems like a perfect combination to me.”

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Buddy Hackett

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Janice Dickinson Bravely Faces 30 Years Of Trauma By Appearing Publicly…..Just About Everywhere!

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Serious charges of sexual molestation have been alleged against comedian Bill Cosby, but nobody has managed to deal with the trauma quite as professionally and publicly as former Supermodel Janice Dickinson. She came forward to claim Bill Cosby drugged and raped her over thirty years ago, and since then, it’s been a ceaseless whirlwind of media activity and TV appearances. She has said, she wanted to accuse him sooner, but just was too busy with her career until recently. She has now demanded a boycott of Cosby, saying that “nobody should hire him anymore, so he can see what it feels like to be washed up.”

Janice appeared to be taking her mind off the traumatic experience and her emotional wreckage, as she stepped out in Beverly Hills. Walking arm-in-arm with a male friend, Dickinson headed out for some shopping, which is medically proven to reduce trauma especially when accompanied by photographers and plenty of photo ops taken at half hour intervals.

According to her publicist, Janice wore a dark grey top, which she paired with a black leather motorcycle jacket and light wash skinny jeans. She accessorized with a pair of black pumps and a few simple pieces of silver jewelry for the outing, during which she held onto her friend who would not give his name, “This isn’t about me. This is all about Janice.”

Dickinson broke her silence after being called a ‘liar’ by Bill Cosby’s lawyer following her claims that she was drugged and raped by the comic legend. She claims Cosby attacked her in 1982, and now, she is devastated at being accused of making up the allegations by Marty Singer, who is representing the star.

After being pictured looking distraught and tired, Janice said: ‘I’m emotionally scarred from that man Cosby, I have PTSD.’ She added: ‘I am having vivid dreams; my memory is coming back of that time. ‘I’m really not doing well – they are calling me a liar and I just want to be able to prove to the world that this happened.’

Bravely, Janice is healing, one TV appearance at a time.

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Walking With Mary Louise

Walking with Mary Louise 12_6_14Walking with Taylor and Victoria’s Secret

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President Pleased With Tree Lighting Ceremony. Awaits Review From Elizabeth Lauten!

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As he waited anxiously to hear the all-important review, rocking back and forth on his toes, President Obama mentioned to reporters, somewhat nervously, “I just hope Elizabeth knows we did our best with this one! The girls have been practicing for a week on their smiles and attitudes and from what I could see they really nailed it! That ecstatic look was a little harder for Sasha, as she doesn’t enjoy the cold weather too much, but I think she still had a killer grin, in spite of the chilly evening air. However, I don’t want to come off over confident, as I am a little worried she might not think their coats were attractive enough. It’s so difficult to pull off snooty, yet practical, but ya know, it really was a cold night, so I hope they don’t lose points on that account. We all just know how important The White House Tree Lighting is, so we really poured our patriotic hearts and souls into this very solemn, yet joyous event. We read stories and smiled and sang and danced. Frankly, we are all exhausted! Michelle and the girls were even up all night, baking thousands of cookies to pass out, along with the hot cocoa. I just don’t think there is anything more we could have done, so now it’s in Elizabeth’s hands. I know we let her down at Thanksgiving, but not this time. I heard her message loud and clear. When you let down Elizabeth you let down America!“

When asked off the record, if he truly was nervous, he laughed and responded. “Naw…I love this shit!”

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Ava Gardner

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Girls Night Out In Downtown Red Wing, A Complete And… Well You Know, “Udder” Failure! (We Have No Shame)

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Local Bars and Restaurants in this beautiful little town in Minnesota thought they might attract more customers to their establishments if they dubbed Thursday “Girls Night Out” and offered special inducements to the females to attend. This they reasoned would bring out the males with their big eating and drinking appetites.

Unfortunately, although over 127 local men took the bait, not one woman made it into the downtown area. That is, until a local farmer inadvertently dropped off six of his finest gals, who felt they deserved a night on the town. The small herd of black and white Holsteins certainly looked out of place as they sauntered down the main drag in this quaint town tucked in along the Mississippi River.

A few of the men tried to strike up conversations, but it turns out these heifers were a bit standoffish. One man who wished to remain anonymous complained, “They seemed sorta stuck up for cows. I mean really, THEY WERE COWS!” Another opined, “I kinda liked ‘em. Ya know it’s All About That Bass!” he said with a chuckle. But these cows were content to stick together and do a little window shopping.

As a crowd of very lonely men surrounded the bovine beauties, the Police were called and Chief Roger Pohlman said it took three officers to corral the cattle into a nearby parking enclosure. Shortly thereafter, they got a called from the cattle owner who noticed his trailer gate was down, when he returned to his farm in Hager City, Wisconsin. He noticed the ad for Ladies Night on the floor of his trailer, and figured they had made a break for freedom as he drove through Red Wing. He soon arrived to pick up his wayward damsels and Main Street once again became a desolate lonely stretch.

The Red Wing Business Association will continue to research other ways to improve nightlife in the downtown district.

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Rick Perry Sees The Illegal Alien Sub Plot In Peter Pan!! Demands Investigation!

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“Glasses or not. I can see what’s plain as day in front of my own two eyes!” roared Texas Governor Rick Perry, this morning, at a hastily called press conference. He loudly voiced his displeasure at NBC for it’s live presentation of Peter Pan last evening, calling it an obvious, 3 hour promotion supporting President Obama and his immigration program. It seems that Governor Perry found the plot of the musical to be a not-so-well-hidden story about sneaking illegal aliens into the country under the guise of being lost boys. “I think it’s rather obvious that NBC is trying to win sympathy for every person trying to sneak across our borders and enjoy the good life mowing our lawns and servicing our pools. And of course the mean Captain Hook is a Republican! The only man in the show actually trying to deal with the boys! I see the President’s fingerprints all over this one!” seethed Governor Perry through squinted eyes. He announced his plan to send a formal complaint to NBC, the FCC, the SEC and QVC.  He will demand  there be  a disclaimer placed at the beginning of the DVD which will be on sale in 2 weeks. He is also looking into the possibility of shutting down the government, to express his displeasure.“And don’t get me started on the Peter Pan gender bending casting. My God! Ted Cruz is a mess! Just a mess…..just so darn confused”

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