“Florida Gal With 3 Boobs Is A Hoax! Our Show Is The Real Thing” Says Elisabeth Hasselbeck!

Posted on September 24, 2014 by jr

Threeboobs

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New A-Mazing Lawn Design Will Solve White House Security Problem!

Posted on September 24, 2014 by jr

AmazingWhiteHouse

The White House Garden and Landscaping Division has offered a design solution for tightening White House security. Based on Britain’s Longleat’s Maze it is nearly two miles of hedge paths and is guaranteed to stymie any fence jumping interloper, giving the Secret Service plenty of time to seal the entrances. Heavily criticized for recent security breaches, the President’s protection team, agrees this is an attractive and somewhat fun solution. Already funded in the maintenance budget, President Obama has given it 2 thumbs up and a latte salute! “I can’t wait to invite Mr. Boehner and the GOP leaders to check it out! They will get lost in it’s charm and elegance.  And omigosh won’t the Easter Egg Hunt be Crazy!”

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Lattegate! Boehner Calls For Obama Impeachment!

Posted on September 24, 2014 by jr

JohnBoehner

“That’s It! That’s the last straw,” screamed John Boehner, “What kind of a lazy-assed salute was that?” We have put up with a lot from that man and now this? ” Managing to stir up the press and the GOP base “Lattegate” has already pushed lesser news like Ebola outbreaks, fence jumpers,Ukraine riots, ISIS/ISIL/IFILL, Cloud leaks, Missing Malaysia Airlines, Scotland, Same sex  marriage and Angie/Brad stories off the front page. “When this man disrespects our troops he disrespects us all”, said Boehner. “I am just fed up and we’ll make sure the American people are as well. We will get the senate control back no matter what it takes.”

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Posted on September 24, 2014 by jr

mary's random 9_24_14

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Gimme A Quote

Posted on September 23, 2014 by jr

BestSteveMartin

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World Expresses Relief! Kenan Thompson Is Not Leaving SNL. What’s Up With That?

Posted on September 23, 2014 by jr

Kenan Thompson

The World gasped yesterday when word spread like wildfire on the internet, that Kenan Thompson would be leaving Saturday Night Live! What would he do? Make another Fat Albert movie? Good Burger 2? Snakes on a Plane2? Reunite with Kel? The possibilities for comedy gold to be mined, when released from Lorne Michaels chokehold seemed endless. But who would fill the shoes of this jovial comic on SNL? After 11 seasons of creating unforgettable comedy magic, that would appear impossible! Now, just one day later the world can let out a collective sigh of relief, because the official report is that the story was premature. “He has signed to stay with the show for at least one more year,” said a beaming Lorne, “he will continue to help us all bust a gut, with the antics of his inimitable and unforgettable characters!”

Kenan and his public relations guy, along with the SNL and NBC promotion department thanked everyone for their understanding during this difficult time of contract negotiations.

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Sasha Fierce Won’t Die! Professionals Called In To Perform Beyoncercism!

Posted on September 23, 2014 by jr

Beyoncercism

“I don’t need Sasha Fierce anymore!” said Beyonce 4 years ago. “She’s done. I killed her!” Well not so fast Bey! It seems the alter ego Beyonce created so she could be “nasty and stuff” on stage and “Miss Goody 2 shoes” off stage, has reappeared and is causing havoc all over her personal life. Sasha has been showing up lately when not expected and like Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” screaming “I Will Not Be Ignored!” It started in the now famous elevator altercation between Jay-Z and Solange and has escalated to the story that her marriage is in free fall. “Sasha just lies, flirts, cheats, spreads rumors, skips weddings, curses, watches “Girls” on HBO, shops at Victoria’s Secret, and taught Blue Ivy to pole dance!” explains Jay-Z, “All the things my Bey Bey would never, ever do. She was fun for awhile, but now it’s just damn annoying!  We gotta get this devil outta her!”

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Exclusive! Secret Divorce Details Leaked. Bruce Jenner To Get Old Face Back In Divorce Settlement!

Posted on September 23, 2014 by jr

BestBruce

Although it’s always distressing to Americans when true love does not last, it is always uplifting when good things come out of a sad situation. Although nobody saw it coming and nobody can quite explain why it didn’t work out, Bruce’s marriage is coming to an end. However, the good news is that America’s Olympic Hero from the 1970’s has reclaimed his old face in a secret divorce settlement obtained by FTM. Like Eleanor Rigby, it seems Bruce’s face was kept in a jar by the door, along with his balls and in a quickly forged deal with his ex and attorneys, he will be allowed to take all three with him in his new, single life. Americans can once again enjoy looking at Bruce instead of wondering WTF?

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Future Headline! The Year 2054!! New Music From Taylor Swift!!!

Posted on September 23, 2014 by jr

Taylor 2054

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Posted on September 23, 2014 by jr

mary's random 9_23_14

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