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In a startling development this morning Beyonce announced she has “had it” with Beyonce! No more. “The situation has become intolerable and I simply must put Beyonce out of it’s misery”. The demands of writing, recording, birthing babies, touring, photoshopping, divorce denials, promotion and elevator unpleasantness have once again taken their toll it appears. Last time Beyonce broke up Destiny’s Child she believed Michelle and Kelly were the problem. She exclaimed, “turns out Beyonce is the problem and that Sasha Fierce!!! I gotta get away from that bitch!! How much credit can one alter ego take?” She stated that her husband Jay-Z totally supported her decision and that if he were a member of Beyonce he would have broken up a long time ago. He added that he was totally comfortable with Jay-Z and had no intention of breaking up. There has been no comment from daughter Blue Ivy as to whether or not she has any plans to break up.

As the true original she is, Beyonce has announced she will release one final album of songs she wrote and recorded last Thursday entitled “Let It Bey”. The entire 4 hours of the process were filmed and that documentary will be released in tandem with the new and final CD from Beyonce. She added “I want to thank all of my fans for sticking with Beyonce through all the good times and the even better times. Your support and adoration has made me a very rich and curvaceous woman and Beyonce will always be grateful but it is time to move on”.

The Promotion department that released the recent photo of Lord Crawley and Lady Sybil with a plastic water bottle on the mantle appears to be completely red-faced.

As these ubiquitous water bottles did not flood the planet until over half a century later than the program’s time period, this has proven to be quite a faux pas for the show now promoting it’s 5th season. It has also stunned quite a few people who actually thought this was a reality show. An investigation has been launched to determine exactly whose water bottle it was (cast or crew) and they will be spoken to severely by either Mr. Carson or Mrs. Hughes. Terribly embarrassed by the tidal wave of publicity the promotion department has recalled the photo, apologized for shattering the authenticity illusion of the show and released this replacement photograph.