“I trust these people with the future of this planet, more than those creaky old scientists locked away in some hypo hygienic laboratory,” announced Ted Cruz as he introduced his “blue ribbon” panel of scientists to the press today, inexplicably held in a storybook house, just inside the main gate of Disney World, in Orlando Florida. “I know many will say these are just “characters” but I am telling you that I have learned more from their stories than I ever have from some 300 page research paper, or some boring lecture with crazy symbols scrawled on a blackboard. The information I get from these experts has been passed down from generation to generation and it’s all still true today.
It’s a wealth of “boots on the ground” scientific knowledge and of course there’s color pictures!” he exclaimed barely able to contain his excitement. “. When I am president I will not scare the bejesus out of everybody with dire warnings of poisoned air and rising sea levels or GMO baloney. Science should be reassuring not scary. I am a comforter not a frightener.”
After Ted introduced each character….er…panel expert, individually to the press, Mother Goose’s ducklings passed out warm cookies and milk and a bankie to each reporter, as she regaled them with her enchanting stories.
Ted was last seen beaming with pride in a corner, just before nodding off into a well deserved nap.