Gimme A Quote

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Gimme A Quote Gloria Steinem

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Gimme A Quote Tina Turner

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F. Scott Fitzgerald Rolls Over And Is Heard Sobbing In His Grave!!

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In low muffled tones he appeared to be moaning “Is nothing sacred anymore? Oh Daisy, Oh Daisy, Oh Daisy. I’ve been snookied”

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Macy’s Unveils Greatest Parade Balloon Ever!

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Walking and Flying with Mary Louise

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And The Award For Sweetest, Most Heartfelt Thanks On Thanksgiving Goes To…

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Rihanna keeping the spirit of Thanksgiving alive in the modern world. “I love you muhphucka Pilgrims!”

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Gimme A Quote Rosie Perez

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Oprah Poses On Thanksgiving Day With Winning Family Of The “Pose With Oprah On Thanksgiving Day Contest”

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On Thanksgiving Oprah quickly posed with the Allen Family of Carlyle West Virginia, winners of a little known contest, open only to the subscribers of “O” Magazine. Hopefuls were asked to explain in 500 word essays exactly how thankful they would be if Oprah showed up on Thanksgiving Day and posed with them, as if she were actually a beloved family member, who arrived with a delicious side dish, put on an apron and helped in the kitchen, sat down to the feast with the family, got drunk and screamed at everyone about how they had wronged her all year long, just like a real dysfunctional family relation. The winning entry was chosen by a panel of editors from the magazine and Gayle King, who naturally accompanied Oprah to the photo shoot. After shaking hands with grandmother, Deirdre Allen, who was chosen as family representative, Oprah quickly joined the rest of the family who had been waiting patiently in front of the house for about 3 hours, while Oprah was in hair and makeup. On Oprah’s cue everyone shouted “Happy Thanksgiving” and the picture was snapped and tweeted immediately by an assistant. Like a gust of blessed wind, Oprah then blew a kiss to the Allens and retreated to her limousine, which of course whisked her away to her actual Thanksgiving celebration with Beyonce, Blue Ivy and Jay-Z. Oprah fans can look forward to reading the winning essay in next month’s “O” Magazine.

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Because Nothing Celebrates The Birth Of Jesus Like The Gift Of A New Gun!

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Historically, to celebrate the birth of mankind’s savior, the three wise men brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myhrr, but things have changed a bit in two thousand and fourteen years. Jimmy Sparks of Gunworld explained this years hottest gift. “People want to celebrate the message of peace and love that Jesus Christ brought to us, yet sometimes, in order to do that you need to have a gun. This is a much more dangerous place than it was when Jesus was born. People want to feel safe in the world and they want their loved ones to be safe as well, as they spread the message of love for all mankind. The best way to feel safe is to have a weapon like a brand new gun and what better time of year to let your family and friends know you care enough to give them a deadly weapon? Also as part of our holiday give back plan, for the less fortunate, we also have a program where for every 50 guns we sell, we donate one to a homeless person. Our slogan is If we really want “Peace on Earth” everyone must have their own “Piece on Earth” he chuckled, and who doesn’t enjoy shooting a gun off into the sky to celebrate the savior of all mankind?” Jimmy then excused himself as he still had to do 3274 more background checks before he could call it a day.

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