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“He was really supposed to get everyone excited about Thanksgiving and gear everybody up for Black Friday Shopping,” said Mall representative Maria Dysoto, “but he really just left everyone rather depressed and made a lot of children cry.” Tom Turkey was supposed to be the happy-go-lucky character that would charm shoppers with his humor and can-do spirit, but that is not how method actor Peter Sanfilippo saw it. “How can I be happy-go-lucky knowing I will have my head chopped off the next morning and have all my feathers pulled out, be stuffed with bread crumbs and shoved in an oven at 350 degrees?” he asked rather indignantly. “We want to believe that turkeys are so stupid that they have no idea what’s coming? Ya know, I tried to do the song and dance thing and smile and do a bit of the old gobble gobble, but when the kids asked me what I would be doing for the holiday, I had to tell them the truth. They would be eating me, or one of my family members the next day with gravy and mashed potatoes. Seeing the tears, at first I felt a little bad, but it’s better they learn the truth now. It’s a tough world. I’m an actor, I know!” Ms Dysoto sighed, “He was really making everyone sad, which is not quite what we had in mind when we hired him and he definitely will not be playing Santa for us. We will have to revisit this idea for next Thanksgiving. Excuse me, but now I must go to speak to the Snowman we hired, and make sure he will not be telling the kids he expects to melt away any minute.”