Gaga Reveals That She Was Raped But Shockingly, Not By Bill Cosby!

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Attempting to take some of the heat off of former (as in about 2 weeks ago) beloved comic, Bill Cosby and to re-direct attention back to her, Lady Gaga has decided to announce that she too, was a victim of rape when she was 19. She appeared on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM radio show on Tuesday and began talking about her song Swine, from her 2013 Artpop album.

“The song is about rape, but not the Cosby kind of rape. The song is about demoralization. The song is about rage and fury and passion. I had a lot of pain I wanted to release. And I thought hey! Why not make some money off that rage and fury and passion?”

Almost telepathically, Stern naturally asked if she had been raped by a music company executive. “I feel like you were raped by someone. I think that’s what you’re saying and of course, if it wasn’t formerly beloved comedian and American treasure, Bill Cosby, it must have been a music executive.”

“Oh my god you are good Howard!” gasped Gaga, 28, who is dating Chicago Fire actor Taylor Kinney,(which of course is an important thing to know when dealing with trauma) “I went through some horrific things. I’m able to laugh now because I’ve gone through a lot of, mental, physical and emotional therapy to heal over the years. Before that Gaga never laughed. Sad Gaga. Plus I wrote this 3 minute song, which pretty much made the, almost ten years of anger, dissipate completely,”she said with a huge guffaw!

She didn’t name the person but she says he was 20 years her senior. “I was about 19 when it happened,” she stated pensively. “I went to Catholic school and then all this crazy stuff happened and I was going, Oh is this just the way adults are? Cause yeah, at 19 I thought, that’s what adults do, they rape each other! Some may call that stupid or naïve. I call it a career path” she said with a demure smile. “Who knows? I may say his name someday. I may even call the police, have a press conference. Gaga doesn’t know right now.  These things depend on timing. You know, new song, new tour, new album. Mama needs a little promotion time. Music is not about revenge or criminal activity. It’s all about timing.”

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100 Missing Brains Found In Texas. Authorities Vow To Continue Search For More!!

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Montana Lawmakers Consider 85MPH Speed Limit. May Add It To Assisted Suicide Bill

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Nik Wallenda

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Star Wars Sequel Breaks Record! Raises $582 Million In 2 Days With Kickstarter Campaign. Shhh. Don’t tell anyone!

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Breaking all previous records on Kickstarter, JJ Abrams has managed to raise over half a billion dollars in only 2 days, after sneaking an 88 second preview on the Internet. “I know that Kickstarter is really for independent films and such, but to be honest 88 seconds is all we have managed to film with the money Disney has advanced us,” lamented the film’s director and founder of this Kickstarter campaign. The Disney Company is notoriously tight with budgets, and it seems that even a guaranteed cash cow like a Star Wars sequel gets no preferential treatment at the house of the mouse. It is reported that Disney paid something like $327 trillion just to get the rights to the Star Wars franchise, so it is very important to squeeze every penny out of it, in hopes of making back a profit by the year 2099. “Kickstarter normally does not approve of projects like this, taking advantage of it’s resources, which are really for the hard-to-fund projects, so we are trying to keep this on the down low, old school hush hush.” whispered Abrams to a small assemblage of reporters. He then asked if anybody would be kind enough to buy him a coffee and a danish.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Mary’s Random Thought

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Gimme A Quote

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Rudolph Valentino

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Elizabeth Lauten, Republican Aide Critical Of Obama Daughters, Snapped Up By Sarah Palin To Be Her Nanny!

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The Republican congressional aide who wrote a widely-disseminated Facebook post criticizing President Obama’s daughters, walked out of one plum job and landed another. She has been hired by Sarah Palin, former Alaska Governor and currently former Alaska Governor, to be a nanny for daughter Piper 13 and son Trig 6. We caught up with Palin at a DC watering hole and learned she is already over the moon with Ms. Lauten’s criticism of Sasha and Malia Obama. “Hell she went after the kids and I gotta admire that. She has no boundaries and that is what it takes to be a maverick! Everybody gave the gal grief for pointing out that those classless brats have no manners. Believe me I know about no class people! That is not how you treat a serious ceremony like the pardoning of the Thanksgiving Turkey! Check out my Youtube video to see how it’s done. To those who say she stepped over the line, I say Boo Hoo Hoo. Grow a pair! I trust Liz will keep my young teen, Piper, in line and my pup Trig will know how to behave in public or they’ll be a-headin’ to the old woodshed with Lizzy.” Asked to comment briefly Ms Lauten gushed, “I thought I had a dream job before, but this is just too much! I’ve already met all the Palins and I can truthfully say I have never met a whiter….er.. I mean brighter, nicer family. I look forward to a long working relationship with.” “OK OK enough press time for you missy,” cut in Sarah at that point, “Go see what Bristol, Willow and Tripp are drinking.”

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Black Friday Brings Out America’s Best!!

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And who doesn’t love a great deal on a flat screen TV?

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