AppleWatch App Tracks Your AppleLife!

Applewatch

Coolest new feature of the AppleWatch is that it will actually keep track of how many hours of your life are consumed by and with all things Apple. How Cool is that? The AppleLife App will let you know how many hours you actually spend charging the batteries of your Apple products, how many dollars you spend on Apple products and the percentage of your income that it represents, year to year AND lifetime. It calculates the amount of time you spend reading about and studying what amazing things Apple is up to and will countdown to the next launch of a product and monitor your heart rate as it races with anticipation. It also keeps track of people and things you blew off so you could concentrate on your Apple products and for the really hardcore it can monitor how many hours you have waited in lines to purchase the items. The details are amazing and these are just the main categories. It actually just kept track of how long it took you to read this article about Apple!!!

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Gimme A Quote

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Melissa McCarthy Inaugurates NYC Mayor DeBlasio’s “Grab A Torch, Grab A Cab” Campaign!

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Continuing his trailblazing ways to re-invigorate NYC tourism, while making it convenient for it’s citizens, the mayor has launched his plan to promote easy taxi access. “We found in surveys, that the most popular tourist destination was the Statue of Liberty and the biggest gripe was inability to flag down a taxi” said DeBlasio. “So we have done a mash-up”. Starting next week all apartment buildings, hotels and corporations in Manhattan will be required to keep a stock of torches in their lobbies for anyone to use and when held up, cab drivers will be legally required to stop. The mayor said ,“we toyed with the slogans “Stop and Torch!” and “Reach Out and Torch,” but they just didn’t seem appropriate.” DeBlasio family friend, Melissa McCarthy was the first to hold up a 15 lb. torch and a taxi screeched to a halt. Afraid she had strained something she asked to be taken to Roosevelt Hospital. DeBlasio commented, “Well you don’t HAVE to go to see Lady Liberty!”

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Bill Murray Reveals The Women He’d Choose For “Ghostbusters 3”. Pretty Surprising!

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Even With 37 Different Producers, New U2 album, “Songs Of Innocence” Sounds Like Every Other U2 Album! Comes With 24-Page Booklet and Free Dinner Coupon!

SongsofInnocence

With a combined net worth of over 1 billion dollars, who better to sing Songs of Innocence than Bono and the Gang? U2’s highly anticipated 13th album was produced by Danger Mouse and 3 dozen other top producers working across 3 continents, laboring to make them sound current and relevant. The energy level was amazing!” raved Bono and yet from the first note, you know it’s us!”

It took such a long time because as Bono said “We wanted to get it right for you and us as well.” Conveniently, it was “right” in time for yesterdays launch of the new Apple iPhone6 and it is being offered as a free download to itunes subscribers. The synergy is great said Bono because “all the guys have iPhones”. The Edge nodded in silent agreement.

The physical release of the album next month will also include a 24-page booklet, 3 extra acoustic songs, lyric sheet, a Spiderman wall poster, a TJMaxx gift card, green stamps, a dinner coupon for Denny’s and the latest CD from Beyonce.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

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Gimme A Quote

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Lana Del Rey Signs New Contract. Agrees To Sell Music Door To Door! More Artists To Follow!

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In what many recording companies are calling the future of music marketing, artists are agreeing to sell their wares door to door. Industry bigwig, Jimmy Iovine, explained the reality of the new business model. “We can only place a song in so many movies and top selling lists without actually selling any product. If performers want people to buy tickets to their expensive concerts they must convince them that they are popular.” It seems that consumers have actually begun asking each other if they bought a particular artist’s album and they are getting the real answer to the question, “Who is purchasing this crap? And that answer has shaken up the industry. Jimmy says, “First Lana will be pounding the pavement and knocking on your door but she’ll soon be followed by J-Lo, Britney, Demi, Kesha, Meghan, and 2 or 3 boy bands.

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iphone 6 Now With Royal Baby App! Pre-Natal Care and April 2015 Delivery Footage To Be Included!

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Beyonce Celebrates Derek Jeter Day Privately At Home

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