Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Posted on August 29, 2014 by jr

Mary's random 8_29_14 

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Plummeting Profits Force Abercrombie and Fitch To Hold Floor Model Sale

Posted on August 29, 2014 by jr

perfect sale

In a desperate attempt to turn around plummeting profits Abercrombie and Fitch has begun liquidating it’s assets starting with their surplus of floor models! A&F will be emptying their warehouses on campuses throughout the country. A spokesman said “This will be an enormous savings to the company. It’s not expensive for us to clothe them but the cost of protein shakes alone has been killing us!” One floor model was asked how he felt about being sold and he slowly responded “Dude, I think overall it is a good thing since I have no skill set and gym memberships are not cheap.” Sale begins on Labor Day.

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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Get Hitched. Wall Street Loses It!!!!!

Posted on August 28, 2014 by jr

bestwedding2

Wall Street went wild, soaring to new heights today at the news that Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie were married over the weekend in France. A merger that has been a long time coming sent shockwaves of unbridled joy around the world as well. “I can’t freakin’ believe it. The future looks amazing!” shouted one trader barely audible over the cacophony of joyful screams, champagne corks popping. and the requisite blaring of “Celebrate by Kool and The Gang. “The world has been on hold for 10 years waiting for these two crazy kids to decide what they were gonna do. Finally we can take a breath and move on” Celebrate good times C’mon!!!

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Gimme A Quote!

Posted on August 28, 2014 by jr

best twain

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Fox and Friends Elisabeth Hasselbeck Accidentally Broadcasts A Fact Supporting Obama!

Posted on August 28, 2014 by jr

Hasselbeck

Chaos reigned for a few moments behind the scenes on this morning’s telecast of Fox and Friends. Due to the combined inexperience of a new statistician and teleprompter operator, hostess Elisabeth Hasselbeck inadvertently announced an upswing in President Barack Obama’s approval rating. A visibly stunned co-host Steve Doucey went into an uncontrolled coughing fit and audible gasps were heard off camera. Co-host Brian Kilmeade seemed unshaken, as he was concentrating on a stain on the couch and wasn’t listening. Frozen for a moment Elisabeth regained her composure and smoothly transitioned to a commercial when she realized the severity of the situation. Producers offered praise for her quick reaction. Explaining the dilemma at that moment she confessed, “as a rule I never listen to what I am saying, so I was unsure as to what exactly had happened.” “But I just knew it was bad!”

After commercial the show regained it’s footing and moved on to the next feature “Finding the Uzi that’s right for you” Both statistician and teleprompter operator were remanded to the in-house news academy for Fox Priorities Training.

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James Cameron Announces “Titanic” Reboot Starring Michael Phelps!!!

Posted on August 28, 2014 by jr

phelps titanic happy2

 

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Posted on August 28, 2014 by jr

Marys random 8_28_14

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Gimme A Quote!

Posted on August 27, 2014 by jr

Eminem Quote

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Kelly Ripa Starts Contract Negotiation. Offers Husband in Package Deal

Posted on August 27, 2014 by jr

Perfect Kelly and Mark2

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Ancient Ruin Rediscovered in The Yucatan Just In Time For The Labor Day Holiday

Posted on August 27, 2014 by jr

 

Perfect ruins

Back in the age of Disco an American club impresario named Eric Von Euw slogged through the forests of the Yucatan in search of a revolutionary new dance space. He returned with designs for a state of the art dance palace based on what he believed to be an ancient Mayan hot spot. He had drawn images of an “extraordinary facade with an entrance representing the open jaws of the earth monster,” he said. Sad to say, Von Euw died before he could publish the design or bring his new club to fruition. The ruin, which became known as “La Is Lagunita” — was lost once again and remained so until just recently, when it was located with the help of Google Earth.

Archeologists have conjectured that the site was abandoned about 1000 A.D., roughly the date that disco fell out of vogue. They feel it would be crazy for you to ignore the intricately decorated facade with a monster-mouth doorway and feel it represents “the gaping maws of the earth and the fertility deity.” They opined “It’s in rough shape but not bad for an old girl”  “We’ll get her fixed up”!

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