Mary’s Random Thought of the Day

mary's random 8_27_14

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Gwen Stefani Reports Face Stolen Night Before Emmy Awards!

goodgwen

Although she grabbed headlines for mispronouncing “The Colbert Report”, the bigger story at the Emmy’s should have been the theft Gwen Stefani suffered previously that day. In the early hours of Sunday someone had taken her original face and replaced it with a pretty, albeit  generic white girl face. Gwen made the best of it but was obviously thrown off her game when it came to her stage presentation. Winner, Stephen Colbert made light of her gaffe as he accepted his award telling her “No problem. I forgive you, whoever you are.” Police are on the lookout for anyone with traces of Kabuki makeup and red lip gloss on their hands. If you see such a suspect they ask you to give them a hollaback.

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Sofia Vergara Gets Playful @ Emmys. Strains Neck.

Twister

Sexy Sofia Vergara had a minor emergency on the Emmy’s red carpet last evening. Surprisingly the limber actress turned a bit too quickly to look over her shoulder at the cameras and hurt her neck. “I hurd a clique and ness thin’ I knew my neck wahs frougzen en dat pozishun” “Iz kute ow I tok, no?”

Emmy workers hurriedly unbolted her seat and reversed it’s direction so she could still enjoy the festivities with her head facing toward the stage. EMT’s alternately applied heat and ice packs to the affected area throughout the show. By the end of the broadcast she was back to sexy and sassy and on to the after party where she danced wildly with Derek Hough who she smuggled into the event in her purse. That’s called “Hough Love”

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Lea Michelle Admits Boyfriend Matthew Paetz Has A Hard Time Keeping His Shorts On

Lea and Matthew

Glee Star and obvious physical fitness fanatic Lea Michelle took her reported boyfriend for some serious hiking in the hills of Hollywood but it seems she was a little distressed. She laughed though, as she said “The hiking is easy for us but there is just something about Matthew’s shorts. Every time I look at him, his shorts appear to be dropping lower and lower. I did insist he take off his shirt as it was very warm and I wanted to keep an eye on the descending shorts. No matter how many times I told him to pull them up, the next time I checked they were heading once again toward the ground.”  We will have to tighten that waistband before our next hike, Thursday at 12:15P on Mulholland. Neither of us wants this kind of attention.”

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Gimme A Quote

Maya Laugh

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Mary’s Random Thought of the Day

Marys Random 8_26_14

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Aaron Paul Wins Best Supporting Actor For Breaking Bad. Thanks Emmy Bitches!

 

aaron emmy 2-1

A visibly emotional Aaron Paul opened his heart to the voting academy on receiving his third Emmy award for playing Jesse Pinkman on “Breaking Bad”. “I love each and every one of you bitches and if I could I’d break you all off a chunk of blue sky to help celebrate this moment. From my first TV appearance on The Price Is Right 14 years ago with original bitch Bob Barker I knew I had to become a Meth-od actor if I wanted to succeed. And I did. And I have. Thanks Bitches!”

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PETA Charges Katy Perry With Denim Abuse

 

katy perry riff raff

Katy Perry angered People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals Sunday evening when she appeared at the MTV Video Music Awards in a patchwork dress of what appeared to be hundreds of discarded scraps of denim. PETA spokesman said although the denim population has been making a comeback around the world since the 1960’s it remains on the endangered fabrics list. “A jean jacket we understand or a skirt maybe. But head-to-toe draped in bedazzled denim luxury PLUS a denim purse? As a trendsetter, for Katy it’s just irresponsible!” “This could be devastating to a recovering fashion species, if others follow her lead. The overuse of denim in the 60’s led to the rise of the Qiana shirt in the 70’s and nobody wants that to happen again..” No mention was made of Mr. Riff Raff’s ensemble.

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Taylor Swift Oversleeps. Rolls Out Of Bed Just In Time to Make VH1 Music Awards

TaylorVH1

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Spill The Wine! Dig That Girl! CNN Host Ana Cabrera Motivates Journalists Around the World With Tragic Napa Photos.

Spill The Wine

Thanks to the horrific photos of broken wine bottles, journalists all over the world are dropping their current stories and heading to Napa. Interviewing a local vineyard owner in his shop Ana commented “It’s heartbreaking to see that image, especially if you are a wine lover.” This was enough to get the media guzzlers of the grape to board planes and head for ground zero.

Reporters and anchors evacuated Iraq, Israel, the Texas border and even Ferguson as fast as they could to fly to northern California after Governor Jerry Brown declared a state of emergency. Brian Williams at JFK was heard to exclaim, “This is awful! We’re talking Pinot Grigio!!!”

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