Mary goes international and is thrilled to announce her filing system is now being viewed in 8 countries. She would like to thank each and every reader for their support and hope they will let her know how the fruits of her labor are going over on the international scene. It would be very helpful if she could get a few likes and comments on her work so that she can improve and perhaps get a raise. In the meantime Mary says Danke, Obrigado,Gracias and Thank You.
The highlight of last night’s VH1 Music Awards was the moment Usher slapped Nicki Minaj’s butt to become the 5022 person to do so. The momentous occasion arrived during his performance of “She came to give it to you” as Nicki joined him on stage. The previous record was held by a horse named Champion who appeared in over 70 films from 1932-1957. He had his ass slapped by 5021 riders and that record had held for 57 years. As proud as Nicki must be to add this accolade to her career, she is young in horse years so we can expect a lot more ass slapping in the future to solidify her record.
Speaking last week to the Asian Chamber of Congress in Las Vegas, Nevada Senator Harry Reid managed to insult roughly 60% of the global population with two bigoted Asian jokes he cracked in his after dinner speech. Reid appeared this morning with his longtime friend Jackie Chan who spoke first in Harry’s defense. “Do not judge this man too harshly” said Mr. Chan, “I know what is in his heart and it is not hate. He’s just not that funny and he’s a little dim sum times.” Mr. Reid then announced he would be entering a weeklong sensitivity training program. He said “ I realized I had a problem when an hour later I wanted to tell the jokes again”.
After dropping the F-Bomb on the appropriately named DJ Swearinger in yesterday’s Texans-Broncos matchup, Peyton Manning went on a foul-mouthed spree. Obviously annoyed by the penalty for the salty language, Manning loosened his lips all over the Mile High City, shocking everyone from a stadium parking valet to the nun he verbally assaulted outside a Chucky Cheese. The “Aw Shucks” kinda guy says he finds it “empowering” and plans on using the word at every available opportunity. He warned “Watch out for our next game, I am going apeshit” “It just feels soooo goooood”
It was so unexpected to hear the gentlemanly Peyton cursing like Tony Soprano that Denver has issued a curfew to it’s citizens for the next 24 hours simply to keep people safe from hearing the invectives he began spewing. “Nobody wants to hear this crap” said Mayor Michael B. Hancock. This town believes in the purity of football and Peyton Manning and I will not put that fantasy in jeopardy.”
In the perfect world of synergy and cross promotion or should we say “cross pollination” the Burpee Seed Company, founded in 1876 has agreed to sponsor the American leg of Iggy’s tour. “I love flowers, I love seeds” said Iggy and “I Love Money and Burpee has agreed to give me a lot of it.” “My music is about planting a musical seed and watching it grow as it brings beauty to the world and it’s the same with Burpee”. “I think flowers are….um…you know…pretty….like me” To celebrate the sponsorship the company has created and will market a special seed named and designed exclusively for the “Fancy” hit maker. Burpee will also be presenting her first TV special “Iggy without a Z” to air in the fall on CBS.
The Mendel lab branch of Burpee says that in order to create the Iggy Azalea they have taken aspects of many other flowers and grafted their DNA together to create this amalgam. In this way it will look familiar but you can’t quite discern it’s provenance. Although it is an annual and will only bloom once, it will get very big before it goes away. You’ll be seeing the Iggy Azalea everywhere and then like today, it will suddenly be gone. Sounds magical to us! Go Iggy!
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