ABC Renames DWTS For The “Stars” We Actually Know

DwtDS23

After an exhaustive survey analyzing the “Q” or “Recognition Factor” of the “Stars” on Dancing With The Stars, producers have discovered that the professional dancers are the real stars! When their pictures were shown to the survey sample, 82 percent were recognized by name. That recognition factor shot up to 97% when the males removed their shirts and females were clad in bra, panties and colorful gauze. The previous seasons “Stars” overall, had a familiarity rating of 22%, even when all were combined. As the program gears up for it’s 19th season the producers have decided to cast 14 random Americans and these will be considered the guest competitors. As usual their biographies will be exaggerated and enhanced so they appear to have accomplished something. Premieres September 15th.

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Mary's Random 8_31_14

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Michael Sam Joins Cast of “The Big Bang Theory”. Will play The Wacky Gay Neighbor!

Bangsam Large1

 

Cut from the Saint Louis Rams, 7th round draft choice, openly gay, Michael Sam has made a quick recovery and dashed into Hollywood where he will become the latest cast member of TV’s smash hit, “The Big Bang Theory”. Reportedly, Sam will be playing the wacky gay neighbor. “Think Tyler Perry’s “Medea” in a football jersey” says show creator Chuck Lorre. He’s big, smart, sassy and all gay.” Lorre continued, “when you get the chance to grab the world’s first 7th round openly gay draft choice for your show you take it.” Because the show has already gone into production, Sam will not make his appearance until the 3rd episode when he flirts with Sheldon and accidentally hits him in the head with a football. Expected hilarity ensues when gay meets nerd. With the addition of Sam to the show, CBS expects a two-pronged demographic bounce in the already large audience. Lorre added “and perhaps a GLAAD Award for our trophy case?”

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Gimme A Quote

Bill Waterson 

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Ellen Barkin Furtively Consumes Bacon Cheeseburger While Wearing No Make up! Hollywood says “Huh?”

Ellen Barkin

 

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Mary’s Random Thought Of The Day

Mary's random 8_31_14

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Gimme A Quote

bestOscarWilde 

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Allison Williams “Sometimes You Just Have To Close Your Eyes”

Eyesclosed

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Kirsten Dunst Can Hear The Ocean In Her New Home Sound System

Her Masters Voice 

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Critics Claim Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel Suffers From ADHD

 Angela Listens

What German Chancellor Angela Merkel calls multitasking, more and more critics are calling a severe case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Merkel is well known for conducting cabinet meetings while on a treadmill, watching soccer and tweeting all at the same time. The situation appears to have come to a head last week as she attempted to simultaneously deliver an address to the Bundestag while on her cell phone chatting with her husband, a renowned chemist. Her speech kept veering back and forth between dealing with the Ukraine Situation with Vladimir Putin and a discussion of quantum science, leaving the German Parliament members very confused. Shouts of “Fokus “and “Konzentrat” echoed throughout the chamber.   Afterward Merkel made light of the issue saying, “It’s all good. I am getting the job done. Forbes Magazine recently rated me the most powerful woman in the world (ed. Note: tied with Beyonce). My approval ratings are at an all time high!! Just stop bugging me!”

 

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