Not to be outdone by the publicity received by her son Evan’s marriage this weekend to Ashlee Simpson, Miss Ross immediately reclaimed the spotlight. At a Labor Day press conference outside her home in Greenwich Connecticut, she announced, “Considering my overwhelming historical contributions and status in music, I decided it was about time I received an official title. I applied for an appropriate regal title to reflect my accomplishments” She then produced a letter purportedly from the anonymous board of people who give out such titles. It read, “As Aretha has already been dubbed “The Queen of Soul” and we are uncomfortable with your suggestion to be called “The Supreme Being” we have arrived at an alternative. Keeping in mind, as we recently discovered, you are an ordained minister and we know you were instrumental in the career of Michael Jackson, “The King of Pop” we have unanimously concluded you merit the exalted title “High Priestess of Pop”. Let it be known this date in the year of our Lord 2014.” Diana then told everyone to “get the hell off my property!”
