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Millions of women were left bereft with shattered dreams yesterday as the perennial bachelor said, “I do” in Venice, Italy. “The longer he stayed single, the better I thought my chances were” cried one top model, “these next few weeks will be rough.” Throughout the stores, bars, restaurants and bus stops in Manhattan, sobbing women were seen with men offering a compassionate arm of embrace or a shoulder to cry on in their time of sadness. Men were letting down their reserve and jealousy to comfort wives who still had the dream of a life with George.

What began as a “vale of tears” quickly turned to a “land of loving” as women turned to the next best thing, whatever guy was around. One man commented “ One moment I was handing a woman my handkerchief and the next thing I knew we were in her bedroom. It was so wonderful, I didn’t even mind the Clooney poster over the bed.”

Similar to other world events, like major blackouts and the end of WWII, statisticians expect a major increase in the birth rate in nine months and the names George and Georgia to rise to the top of most popular baby names.